HOME

WRITING

 

The Neu Jorker (Parody Magazine)
- The Neu Jorker
is a full, cover-to-cover parody of New York's most stimulating, mid-to-high-brow magazine, available for free online, and featured in The New York TimesWIREDAdweekThe Onion's AV ClubSplitsider & more.

Paul Ryan magazine (Parody Magazine)
- Paul Ryan
magazine is a fusillade of jokes and jabs at the dark princeling of the GOP, the Wisconsin windbag, Speaker Paul Ryan, as well as a satire of magazine genres and tropes. Soon to be in print and available for preorder at wiscohunk.com.

The New Yorker (Humor)
An Honest Invitation to a Potluck Dinner Party (Oct '17)
Congressional Daydreams (May '17)
Sean Spicer Introduces Theme Days For Press Briefings (Mar '17)
As a Vocal Male Feminist, I’m Offended That I Wasn’t Invited to Your Bachelorette Party (Sep '16)
F.B.I. Report On Mafia Decline Caused By Group Text And E-Mail Chains (Aug '16)

McSweeney's (Humor)
- Caravaggio Apologizes for the Low Lighting (Issue #50)

McSweeney's Internet Tendency (Humor)
-
This Thanksgiving We're Pivoting to Video (Nov '17)
- Remove Your Cap and Bow Your Head, For It Is I, Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack (Dec '15)
- Hey Look, Those Birds Are Fucking (Jun '15)
- Fragments from the Ancient Gospels of “The Church of a Pretty Good God” (Aug '13)
A Government Wasteocrat Comes Clean (Apr '13)
Your Spirit Animal is a Tech Guy Named Paul (Dec '12)
The Lost Home Movies of John Ford (Nov '11)

The American Bystander (Humor)
- Welcome to the Dolphin Trainers' Convention! (Issue #5)
- Index Jokes (Issue #5)
- Dear NASA, I'd Like To Fight An Alien (Issue #4)

Cafe.com (Politics & Humor)
Son, We Need To Talk…They Found Santa’s Grave (Oct '17)
Physicists Win Nobel Prize For Finding That Massive Forces Of Darkness Are Warping Everything Around Us – Also, Something About Black Holes (Oct ‘17)
The Department Of Health And Human Services Is Trying To Sabotage The ACA With A Bad Web Series (Oct '17)
America: Quit Electing Golfers to the Presidency Already (Oct '17)
Watch As I Use Steven Seagal’s Own Terrible Movies To Teach Him Some Valuable Lessons (Sep '17)
The Racist Insects That Control Steve Bannon Almost Burst Out Of His Face On National Television (Sep '17)
Boutique Oil, from an animated series about the Congressional Record (Apr '17)
- Specialty Crops, from an animated series about the Congressional Record  (Apr '17)
- Manatees in Space, from an animated series about the Congressional Record (Apr '17)

National Lampoon (Humor)
Recent Cases of iPhone Damage in the Current Political Environment (Apr '17)

The Weekly Humorist (Humor)
Trump Speech-o-Matic (Oct '17)
- Todo List for the White House Handyman (Sep '17)

Narrative.ly (Journalism & Memoir)
Hell of a Race (Apr '14)
Indoor Wolves (Dec '13)
The Man Behind the Glass (Sep '13)
The Crash of the Century (Mar '13)
Making All Stressful Stops (Nov '12)

Esquire (Humor)
- A Diaper Change You Can Believe In (Dec '08)

The Occasional (Humor)
A Field Guide To Your Mom's Friends' Tattoos (Nov '14)

Splitsider (Humor & Essay)
The Best of 'Army Man' (Jul '13)
So Your Car Broke Down on a Family Trip…What's Next? (Jul '13)

Chicago Literati (Essay)
Let Nerd Passion Into Your Heart (Aug '17)

Funny or Die (Humor)
7 Functional And Chaste Fall Styles Inspired By The Amish (Sept '16)
Donald Trump: "If Elected, I Will Personally Verify Every American Birth" (Sept '16)
The Trump vs. Clinton Fight Is Bad But Have You Seen A Bear Fight A Shark? (Aug '16)
I Found Your Dog, But Will Not Respond Because Your Poster Is Poorly Designed (Aug '16)
How Has Nobody Caught This Jason Bourne Guy Yet? (Aug '16)
A Step By Step Guide On How To Properly Use Pennies (Aug '16)
- Funny or Dies News Topical Joke Contributor & Part-Time Editor (Jul '15 - Aug '16)

Above Average (Humor)
- The Sponsored Content is Coming From Inside the House!!! (Oct '15)
I’m A Big Strong Daddy And I’m Worried About My Weak Little Baby (Oct '15)
Where Are Your Taxes Going? (Apr '15)
Bow Down To Me, For I Am Your Tax Demon (Apr '15)
I'm Disappointed in this Gang of Pick Pockets' Recent Work (Feb '15)
No Fly Zones (Nov '14)
The Diary of My Sister’s Conservative Pet Gerbil from 1993 (Nov '14)

The Hard Times (Humor)
Health-Conscious Punks Begin Vaping Glue (Oct '15)
Condé Nast Acquires Millions of Angry Readers (Oct '15)
Zine Has Limited Run of Zero Issues (Aug '15)
BREAKING: Oh Fuck, This Is A Nazi Band (Aug '15)

CollegeHumor (Humor)
Frequently Asked Questions About Your New Air Mattress (Aug '14)
-  Son, We Need to Talk About  Jaywalking (Apr '14)

The Toast (Humor)
Notes on Your Screenplay From a Producer Obsessed With Cannonballs (Feb '14)
Justice Scalia Yawns (Sep '13)

Trop (Humor)
Itinerary for Your Princess South American Cruise: Swim, Sun, and Nazi Hunting in Argentina (Jul '14)

Hot Hot Phone (Humor)
Please Find Enclosed My Resume to Work For You This Summer (Dec '14)
America’s Got Talons Contestants (Dec '14)
The Best Burghers in Germany (Oct '14)
I Have Some Plans as Your New Student Body President (Jun '14)
We Have a Few Concerns, From Sharks (Jun '14)
Things Your Pinky Ring Is Saying on Your Behalf (Jun '14)

Perpetual Nostalghia: Journal of Film and Culture (Essays, Reviews & Criticism)
Forte's Forte (Mar '14)
Stand-up Comedy - 2012 In Review (Jan '13)
- You Can Never Go There And Back Again (Jan '13)
Horror in Indy: The Opening Of the Ark (Oct '12)

Obit Magazine (Memoir)
Summers with Paul (May '11)

Joe + Gigs (Poetry)
- "Sophie Gray", John Everett Millais (Feb '13)
"Duelo a Garrotazos", Francisco Goya (Jul '13)

Other Projects
Encyclopedia of Hypothetical Police Procedurals (Humor)
-
 The Thunder in Paradise: 30 Poems from Hulk Hogan Interviews (Humor, Poetry)